An Experiment Gone Horribly Right

One fine saturday morning The Person decided to play around with The Person's status message...went to the usual suspects(sites The Person means)...but as luck would have it nothing dere was to The Person's taste...so The Person decided to go solo..decided to improvise..and what improvisation it proved to be...one hell of it...The offending line read something like this "I have finally done it."(Amen!!!) And this innocuous looking line triggered off an avalanche of enquiries...mostly guys and seniors at it :D...the author feels not to go into details of such intimate conversations coz this is a bit public for such topics to be discussed and of course accessible to the members of the fairer sex too...but to just cut the long story short the questions were along the lines "Gf?" , "The 3 letter thing?"(TAUBA TAUBA,such dirty minds) :D and of course the members of the fairer sex also joined in the carnival...actually very curious but unable to put all of it in display..so they all said "finally done what?" or variants of that...harmless u see but potent :P.But what surprised The Person was all the guys knew of The Person's adventures (or lack of that) shall we say but yet asked...worried that this no-work-to-do The Person must have utilised The Person's time pretty well and gone on to the next level to say per se...given that they had the same opportunities too and The Person and they were birds of the same feather till recently :D...let the author put up some evidence here...
shankh: finally done wat??

Anirban: tui ki korechis finally??!!!

G****: ai tui ki korechish re???

pradipta: hello
finally done it
me: hellos
pradipta: wht does dat mean???

Aritra: ki?
me: kichhu na
:P
Aritra: :P

Himanshu: so u have a gf i guess
:P
me: ohh
how wrong cud u b
knowing me
Himanshu: hahahhahaahhahahahahahhaha
me: how cud u say that
:P
Himanshu: welcome to the club
:P
me: i was a life member
:P
Himanshu: hahahahhahahahaha

p*****i: what hv u done finally..!!??!!

A****a: finally done what?

N***r: u have finally done what?

indrita: wat hav u finally done?

these were some of the many enquiries The Person handled...one among them even reminded The Person that overuse of the line might not be such a good idea...The Person thought that was a good idea too :D But what made such an innocuous line turn into something such glamorous is something The Person failed to comprehend...must be that something called INNOCENCE must have been lost forever :D

IndianInstitutesofTechnology

The Indian Institutes of Technology is another name for IIT, which is the acronym for Institute of Infinite Tension, Institute of Indian Technology, etc. These institutes of so-called national importance were set up by the Indian Parliament at seven campuses across India, decided purely on merits of political alliances of the ruling party. It was the mastermind of a certain Jawaharlal Nehru to reduce the average intelligence of Indians that led to the establishments of these institutes. Just like Zion in Matrix, where 3% of the people who do not accept the Matrix are gathered together to prevent dissent as a whole, IITs were formed by the Government of India to gather at one place the 2% of the intelligentsia of the country and dumb them down.

Admission

The geeks and nerds of India start preparing for IIT-JEE just after 10th standard of schooling. A very effective test of whether a guy is fit for getting into the IITs is asking a very simple question: "Do you have a girlfriend"? A guy who says anything else other than "What's a girl?" would not get through the test. Girls are considered unfit to get into IITs, though some girls manage to get the application forms as they look like guys. To make sure no girl gets through the system by bribing to get the application forms, the applicants are required to specify their gender and affix a photograph in the application form. Those faces that resemble anything girly are not selected.

The entrance exam, IIT-JEE, is an extremely selective undergrad admission process (accepting less than 2% of their applicants). As they say, if the input is right, the output is automatically right. The six-hour Joint Entrance Exam held, as the name suggests, jointly by IITs, consists only of questions on Physics, Chemistry and Maths and not on other exotic details like Booze, Drugs, Crime, Pr0n etc. which severely affect the quality of the incoming students. Since the Indians are well known for cramming up loads of information, questions in JEE are never repeated.

Education

The IIT curricula is carefully decided so that there is no scope of learning anything. The students, then, take up alternate learning routes, most common being Pr0n. The IIT alumni on knowing the tremendous potential of internet, provided all hostel rooms with free and unlimited internet connection. The IIT administration tried to propound their agenda by putting lecture videos on the LAN, but this is yet to be confirmed as this has not been tried by any student. The IITians are also forced to eat mess food, that prepares them for the worst they can ever face in their life.

The guys also learn how to make 50 palladins in 25 minutes and get three frags per shot. Some of the creative minds also make a quick buck by selling MMS clips online. Since there are assignments to be submitted every now and then, the guys also learn how to use Google adeptly. Photocopying centres are provided for every 100 metres of road so that time wasted in photocopying assignments is minimized. Lecture classes are held from 7:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. IST (Indian Stretchable Time). It has been established by years of testing that the time can be stretched to as much as 30 minutes beyond provided it is backed by a cardinal excuse. The summary and results of many such experiments has been documented well in a book by an IITian titled "Five Point Someone: What not to do at an IIT". The book also deals with complex issue of dealing with a girl in IIT.

Life and culture (or lack thereof)

When entering the IIT, a guy has two options. The first is to take up the common learning route described above. Since IIT-JEE makes sure a lot of mavericks are selected, many of them also end up being happy among themselves. The girls in IITs, usually refered to as Non-Males and measured as parts of girl per million parts of guy, have to struggle keeping their identity as girl secret throughout their stay in IITs. Sometimes they are forced to tell the truth, like when a gay IITian proposes mistaking them for a guy.

Alumni

The alumni of these institutes have been very sucessful across the world (more in USA than in India). Most of them either get frustrated and leave technical education to study management at IIMs, or start a company of their own totally unrelated to their major discipline. There are also a select few who develop a fetish for studies and end up in institutes like Massachusetts Institute Of Technology. An interesting aspect is that, alumni of these institutes form the second-largest graduate student group at MIT, the largest being MIT undergrads and one day hope to colonise the whole of MIT campus.

Quotes on IITians

“These guys are total studs. Just like me.”

~ Oscar Wilde on IITians

“I love those guys.”

~ Oscar Wilde on IITians

“Shhh....Meet me at the Mining dept. later tonight”

~ IITian on Oscar Wilde

“IIT is t3h l33t.”

~ God on IIT

“We are 'GAWDS'.”

~ IITians on themselves

“So am I.”

~ Douglas Adams on the previous quote

“Fuck”

~ A girl on seeing the IIT-JEE question paper

“DISCO? Fuck!”

~ An IITian on on DISCO

“You think getting into IIT is difficult? Try getting out, bitch!”

~ disguntled IITian on IIT